So we saddle up and head out early and it’s hot already and I am hearing monkey butt whining already but Aengus drowns out all that mess. We think we are going to try for Thomasville, Ga as our overnight stop but the secondary roads had other ideas. We really need to get a Go Pro next time, we went through and stopped at a few places that Time tried to change but instead these places just adapted. The old Victorian homes, Railroad tracks that went through places that were obvious boon towns for one thing or another and some towns that looked like the town from the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes”; just all grown up with few inhabitants. I can’t say this enough my friends, take a drive; put the windows down and breath in the fresh air!
So while we are enjoying the scenery, it is getting HOT! Like Florida in August HOT! We stop for water and gas and to soak up some AC in some little town with no cell service (I Know! The Horrors!), but when you are figuring out the path on the fly this can be a problem. Lucky for me I am following Sherlock Holmes with a beard; I’ve told him a million times if he drives off a cliff I will be right behind him because I have a VERY bad sense of direction. We think we are somewhat close to our target but we have a lot of daylight left so I suggest we press on to see how far we can get.
We press on and find ourselves in Tallahassee, FL at 5pm on a Friday afternoon and our legislature is in session. So what this means is, its 5 O’clock rush hour traffic in the capital of Florida which also happens to be a college town, its hot enough to make you think you’ve lost 20lbs stewing in your own juices! For some reason I have a flash of Lucille Ball and Ethel getting trapped in one of those sweat boxes…anyways! But Ethel (aka the Bearded Sherlock) misses the turn we need so we end up in a Dollar General drinking water and soaking up AC and trying pitifully not to sweat all over the place. By the way, Monkey Butt is now a Pitcher’s Butt with steam coming out of it! I was praying for a rain storm this time. We even passed a billboard for an AC company that says “Your Wife is Hot…” I started looking around for that ridiculous Captain Obvious from those commercials.
So my Hero does the only thing he can think to do and booked us a Hotel at the nearest place he could find; back into the heart of the madness we go! Did I mention Tallahassee is hilly? No, well it is and did I mention its HOT as four-hundred Hades? Then guess what happens? As we are within eyeshot of the Hotel, it starts to rain, not bad just enough to create steam EVERYWHERE! So let me clarify, by everywhere I mean from the hot pavement, the HOT motorcycles and our hot bodies. I am fairly certain we absolutely know what a steamed Hot Dog feels like and Monkey butt just passed out thankfully, I was sick of hearing about it. Oh! I forgot about the traffic, it’s crawling so slowly it takes 5 changes of a red light to get us to the wrong entrance or should I say Exit driveway to the Hotel but we take it because we are Bikers!
Guess who I found at the check in desk at the hotel? Captain Obvious! He says to me as I walk up to check in “You’re wet is it raining?” now mind you I’ve just taken my helmet off, my shirt is sticking to me and I am pretty sure I smell like open road and steamed monkey’s butt. But I humor him and turn and look out the 2-story window in front of his check-in desk and say “yup seems to be!” then I begin to giggle. I finally compose myself and check us in; then I help put our bags on one of those fancy brass rolly carts. We proceed to walk back through the lobby (because he won’t let me hitch a ride) passing people with name badges hanging from lanyards and drinking wine and staring at us, but I smile and keep moving. We get up to this very nice room and all we can think about is a shower and since it took me longer to peel my clothes off he got to it first.
The next morning we head out (I am not even speaking to Monkey butt) towards home again. Yup it’s still hot but we’ve driven over 2,000 miles on our motorcycles at this point so we ride right into the Sun with our shades on and our tunes loud. We stop for a bite to eat and some water at a restaurant and I am pretty sure the Bearded Wonder has heat stroke because he tells the lady we’ll sit at the bar which is OUTSIDE! Of course I asked him why on God’s green earth would he not want to sit inside to cool off, but I don’t get a coherent answer and I am convinced its heat stroke. But he orders a drink and I decide I better eat something as I glance up at the TV which is showing the current weather conditions. I want to cry and laugh at the same time, Big Rain Storm right in our path to the house. This leg of the journey will not be fun but I can tell you we lived through it and have one hell of a story to tell. By the way, we locked ourselves out of the house and had to wait for our son to come let us in!
All in all we drove almost 3,000 miles on this trip. This was my first long trip driving my own motorcycle and even though I was nervous as heck at times; it was an absolute blast.